Body launguage

“Hey Alberto you are working so hard today, how about you take a break from all of this tedious work?” Those are the words which came out of friend last week, I then responded by saying “well I have to continue to make more money so that I can continue to grow my investments”. I was being honest with him, but I could sense a bit of discuss in his voice; I noticed that he did not want me to keep working so hard. What I should have said was “Thanks for your concern, it seems like it is getting harder to find a friend that is willing to support me in my goals”. If I would have said that to my friend maybe I would have been able to see if he was a “meta-messenger”. “A meta-message is a way to say something covertly that usually people are afraid to say directly” (messages). Usually meta-messengers can use this technique as a way to attack you covertly and discourage you from accomplishing your goals.

            There are many things that people say and do in an inconspicuous manner, people sometimes wear their heart on their sleeves for the whole world to see. If we are to see what people are truly thinking sometimes we have to dig deeper than what they are saying through their words. We can see what people are truly trying to say through different methods like body language, studies have shown that over fifty percent of messages is shown through body language. Body language is what people do when they are trying to pass a message along with their hand gestures, facial expressions, legs, feet, posture and breathing. Body language and body movements can be passed on from parent to child through social kinesics, this is how we as humans learn many of our body language gestures.

            Another important factor in body language is the way we use space with our bodies, this is called “proxemics”. “Proxemics is how far you stand next to a person when you talking to them, how you arrange the furniture in your home, or how well you respond to others invading your territory” (messages). Many people are not comfortable with someone getting to close to them, I like to tell people they are invading my bubble if they get within my comfort zone. I will usually laugh when I tell them this to keep the mood light but I am also being very honest. I might joke with Wife when I say this to her but only because she knows that for the most part there is no bubble when it comes to her. Many people will let you know through body language when you have invaded their space by also creating space and taking a step back. I remember seeing this happen on the subway a lot when growing up in New York City, I figure I might be used to people being close to me since I am from the city rather than someone that grew up in the suburbs.   

            Aside from body language there is different ways that we can also express ourselves and in some ways it is through words; although the words are important, the tone is the key to this type of communication. Paralanguage is a way of expressing yourself through different tones in your words, some people are good at using different tones to convey a message but others might come across as being monotone and people might find them boring. There are ways of correcting your paralanguage, recommendations for this include recording yourself and then listen to hear what you dislike about your voice. I always remembered that as a child when I would talk in front of my class that I had a very monotone voice, this always bothered me because when I talked to my classmates I could recall being a good story teller and at times entertaining. I made it a point to study myself in a speech class in high school by recording myself, in this class I was able to pick up on my failures as a public speaker. By improving my public speaking skills I was able to improve my confidence and increase my chances of becoming a better student and teacher to those around me.

            Picking up on how people act through more than their words is essential in today’s world, learning to pick up on what people are saying about themselves through “hidden agendas” is another way of learning how someone is truly feeling about themselves. Hidden agendas are seen every day, you see and hear it from the person who just wants to talk about how good they are to the politicians on the television that are trying to push their agenda. Many times at work I will hear people talk about themselves and how great they are, I never really gave it to much thought until now but I can see how a lot of people like to talk about themselves including me.

 I think that for the most parts humans want to have self-worth and many times this is achieved through the validation of others. Maybe everyone should read and understand the book messages, it is important that while we become educated that we reflect on ourselves and realize our own weaknesses and strengths.      

 

Reference:

Mckay, M. (2009). Body launguage. In Messages, The Communication Skils Book (Vol. 1, pp. 59-89). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.